TWO BIRDS, ONE STONE
Spoiler alert: This post will contain both info about my ramblings about life and info about the rich mullins movies. You may care about only one, or neither, in which case you’re still reading out of complete boredom with your life. If that’s you, get off the internet and take a walk or something.
The need to write sometimes builds up inside me, so here I am. I’m listening to the GARDEN STATE SOUNDTRACK right now. This soundtrack has so much meaning to me. Loved the movie, but it also has nostalgia for me for a plethora of reasons. Maybe too many to go into here even.
I love music that can transport you. Some people are like that too. A small moment with a friend or even a stranger can bring a variety of emotions that bring a lovely euphoria. Then there is that one track, on an album that you go “that sucks” how’d the producer let that track on there. There’s also people like that too. Like someone who is a complete prick and you go, why? Was this necessary.
I’m that prick sometimes. Matter of fact I can be the worst person I know. Sometimes the only prayer I can find to pray is, “God how do you put up with me?”. I’m so glad he does.
I’m filled with a strange delight as I fly to Atlanta this morning. I’m married to a wonderful woman, a gorgeous woman. She’s smart, funny, silly, loyal, and faithful. I have friends that say I married up, and I couldn’t agree more. Some friends like to remind me every time they see me. I get it. I married up. Geeze. I know I am a complex, reckless mess both inside and out, thanks for the reminder.
I once had a friend tell me that some friends theirs from college (our college) were like hows his marriage going? When my friend replied really great, they we’re like “really, but he’s crazy”…ah the stings of judgmental acquaintances. So nice of them.
But the truth is. They are right. But the only problem is, I’m worse than they know. I may be even worse than I know. Spoiler alert. You may be too. I don’t know if it’s the American thing or the Christian thing, or my gross pride, but I spend half of my time trying to paint this picture of myself…to myself that I’m not half bad.
The reason the love of God is so mad and lovely in the same breath is because he’s crazy about me, and frankly there’s not a whole lot to be crazy about. Which is some foolish crazy insane love.
We can see this in people that are madly in love. We may all know the dangers of buying into infatuation, but there is something beautiful about it, or maybe it’s just beautiful for my metaphor. Either way. There is something really fun about recklessly falling in love.
I like to imagine that God is in love with me. Sometimes I think faith needs a little imagination. Not that imagination makes your faith false, but sometimes imagination is the fuel hope needs at times. But what I don’t have to imagine, what I do know, is that my only hope is to fall in love with him. With out a heart head over heels for God himself, my faith quickly becomes about religious lists ,guilt, and resumes. I hate all three.
Movies almost done. That feels really nice. A sense of accomplishment is really nice. We have trailers almost done as well. I’m so thankful for all the supporters of the movie. Which are really just fans of Rich Mullins himself.
I’m really excited to show everyone the movies. They aren’t big deals. They are just movies. I’m not sure that movies can be big deals. I’m not sure any art can. The greatest artist is God himself. He created everything and said, yeah that’s good. But only with humanity did he say, “okay, that was really good.”
All this art, whether it’s a movie, a painting, a song. It’s so funny that it has a shelf life of a few minutes really. If it’s really good maybe occasionally it will pop into our minds for a few moments here and there. If it’s a brilliant piece of art, it may come up here and there for years to come, maybe even a lifetime. But if you added that up. What would it amount to? A day. Maybe two days tops.
Relationships, people, life itself, and the infinite kabod of God. Now these things, that aren’t things at all. this is where true art takes place. The expression of imagination and expression in these things are truly infinite and eternally lovely.
The movies haven’t even come out and there are already critics. People will hate the movie or love it. I’m not sure I should be too occupied with either. Not very healthy. If we were all a little healthier maybe we wouldn’t care about movies at all. They’re on such a pedestal in our culture. And I may be it’s biggest contributor. Just ask the blockbuster guy down the street. It’s pretty much my “Cheers”. A lot of people don’t understand why everything is taking so long on the movies. So long with the trailers and the movies themselves. The comments are almost hysterical of thinking it’s some type of “conspiracy” out there. No conspiracy. We’re just a group of a few trying to do the work of an army, and on very little money. We’re not hollywood. We’re barely anderson Indiana. We’re just a handful of ragamuffins trying to make a movie about a ragamuffin named rich.
Changing subjects. I’ve been really sad lately. (so unusual for me:-) Not sure why. I think about death a lot. It’s been a weird year. My grandma on my dad’s side died. Brennan Manning died. My best friends wife died. Rich’s mom died. Some I was close to. Some I wasn’t. My health is total crap. If I don’t get my act together I can see only living another 20, and that’s if I’m extremely lucky. My wife is trying to get me healthy. Praise God, cuz I can’t do it alone. I’m addicted to fast food, or just unhealthy food like it’s crack. It’s really hard for me. It’s not a joke, as stupid and unwise as it sounds. So freaking hard. Eating right really feels like starvation in my head. So dumb I know.
But in any case I think about dying a lot. Always struggled with really sad stuff. The saddest. Had lunch with one of the best friends a guy could have, BJ, and I told him about some of those thoughts. I saw tears in his eyes. A friend that crys for you, even when you don’t, doesn’t happen very often. Maybe with you, sure. But not for you. That’s rare. That’s a friend.
Back to that artistry thing. There’s an artistry in real friendship that can’t be outdone by human manufacturing, no matter how ascetically pleasing.
Love is the common thread through the wonderful artistry. And this alone comes from the great “Abba.” The movie paints a picture of the “reckless, raging, fury” they call the love of God.
But nothing, not even a movie, can capture the ravenous love that God has for you. Is your life haunted by this love? Mine is, and it’s simply wonderful. It’s lovely, it’s tear filled, it’s wonderful. It’s art.
Thanks for reading or skimming.
Love, tears, and art,